Birth Story

I’m going to try to type up my birth story while Evelyn (still hard not to call her Gertie – Jake still does sometimes!) is content. She’s not content very often or for very long. :| She wants to be held all the time, which I understand because she was all warm and snuggly for so long, but I have to put her down to do stuff and she usually freaks out after around 5-10 minutes. Just a warning – There is some definite TMI here, but I have some pregnant friends who are probably interested in reading about this!

So on Thursday I had my first cervical check at the OB’s office. On Thursday and Friday I had light spotting and cramping, which I knew was totally normal after such an exam. Friday was my last day of work, and I just didn’t feel good. I couldn’t put my finger on it, because I didn’t have intense, regular cramping or anything, but I just felt crappy. As I was leaving work, the last thing I said was, “If I go into labor tomorrow I am going to be SO PISSED.” Heh. Jake and I went out for dinner and then I went to bed. I had trouble sleeping and kept waking up for various reasons: Weird dreams, I had the runs, and light to moderate period cramping that had no pattern whatsoever. At one point – I think it was around 3:00 AM but I am totally fuzzy on much of Saturday’s timing – I woke up and laid in bed for a bit because the cramping was slightly worse, but nothing lasted long and it was totally irregular. I got up to pee and woke Jake up and told him that maybe we should time the cramps just to be on the safe side. I don’t even think we timed two until I told him never mind and went back to sleep. Heh.

So around 5:30 or 6:00 I woke up with much stronger pains and they were pretty long (at least a minute in length) and around two minutes apart. I couldn’t decide if we should go to the hospital or not, because I was early and this was my first baby so I just KNEW I would go there and they would send me home. I was lying in bed with Jake when all of a sudden I felt a popping sensation. I said, “UH OH” and told Jake that I think my water broke, but I didn’t feel any gushes. He bolted to the bathroom and got a towel, I put it between my legs and went into the bathroom but nothing gushed. I had a little bit of clear fluid on my pad, so I didn’t know what to think. Very shortly thereafter, when I was sitting on the toilet and throwing up into a plastic bag, I figured we should get the hell out of here. Of course because I procrastinated, my bag was not fully packed. Jake was borderline panicked, looking all over for my list, and I told him never mind the list, just throw some underwear in the bag as well as deodorant and toothbrush and toothpaste and get the hell out of Dodge. The contractions were horrible. I couldn’t do anything while I was having one, so I had to do everything between contractions which gave me like two minutes at a time. “Okay, NOW I can get dressed. Okay, NOW I can walk downstairs. Okay, NOW I can make a dash for the car, GO GO GO!” The car ride was horrible, and we live 9 blocks from the hospital! I have no idea how laboring women can handle a car ride from the county or from farther away.

So we got to the hospital and Jake came running around to my side of the car. I think I remember barking something like “I cannot get out of this car until this contraction is over.” It ended and I got out of the car. I no sooner walked to the entrance, which was around 20 feet from my car door, and I was having another one. I stopped at the door and hunched over, holding my belly and saying “Owwwwch” over and over again. A nurse was coming in for her shift and I was blocking the door, and I remember absurdly apologizing to her for being in her way. She said not to worry about it, and she told me to breathe in through my nose and out through my mouth. Then she helped me through the door. That nurse rocks, because I wasn’t even thinking about my breathing until that point.

We went to admitting and they processed me through pretty quickly. Jake wheeled me up to OB triage and when I arrived I was handed a gown and told to go into the bathroom, use the washroom, take everything off and put the gown on. It took me what seemed like FOREVER because my contractions were so close together and all I could do was sit on the toilet saying “Owwwwwwwwwwccccchhhhh” over and over again. Finally I made it out and they put me in a bed and started asking all the necessary questions. They seemed surprised when I told them that this was my first pregnancy, that I was 10 days early and that I hadn’t been having contractions very long and they were already this close together. She checked me and I was at five centimeters. She asked me if I was planning on having an epidural and I was like, “Uhhh, yeah!” and then things moved very quickly. They wheeled me into my room on the triage bed, and then transferred me to my bed. All of this is a total blur because I was in so much pain. The nurses came in and did their thing, but I don’t remember much about what they did or said. I also lost track of time. They paged the anesthesiologist and all I could think about was that I was not going to be able to get the epidural because everything was moving too quickly and I knew it could sometimes take the anesthesiologist an hour or more to arrive, depending on how busy the hospital is. I still don’t know how long it took him to arrive, but it felt like forever. The nurses checked me again before the doc arrived and I was already at 7-8 centimeters. All I kept saying was “Owwwwwchhh , this is way too fast, oh my god, I can’t do this without an epidural, how do people do this naturally and for longer periods of time? Owwwwwwchhhh.” I remember the nurses trying to make small talk, and I was having none of it. I was in a zone with my pain and tuned everyone out. Jake would ask me something or say something and I would just frantically shake my head to tell him “not now!”

Finally the drug doc arrived. He had me lie on my left side with my legs curled up as far as possible. He wiped stuff on my back – I’m assuming iodine or something – and then told me I would feel a pick for the freezing and maybe some burning. I probably did but I didn’t care because he was there to save the day. Heh. But then I started hearing the “Hmmms.” He was being really forceful back there, trying to thread the catheter in the right spot. “I can’t find a space. Hmmmm . . . I can’t seem to find a space . . .” He asked me if I have back problems and I told him yes. He played around in there for a while longer, then taped me up and said, “We’ll see if this works. If not, page me.” And he was gone. Well, it didn’t work. It did nothing. The nurses kept asking me if I felt this or that, if my legs were numb or tingly, etc. Nothing but the excruciating pain. I was starting to panic because that had taken a long time and I knew I was running out of time to get the epi. The nurses waited for a bit of time to see if it would take effect, and when it clearly wasn’t taking effect they paged the doc again. “We just want you to be comfortable hon, we’ll get him back here for you.” When he called back, he told them to just top me up. I groaned and was thinking, “Are you fucking kidding me?? It’s obvious that it didn’t take! Topping me up isn’t going to work!” One of the nurses was a mind reader, because she said, “I am calling him back and telling him to come up here, because topping her up isn’t going to work.” At this point I was very nauseous and thought I was going to throw up. Jake put the bed pan under my chin and I dry heaved into it a few times, but nothing came out. The nurses tried to be encouraging, God bless ‘em. “This just means you’re getting closer, honey!” She was trying to help, but she was freaking me out more because I wanted the effing epidural. Lol. So doc came back and this time told me to sit up and lean forward and the nurse told me to arch my back like a cat and she let me rest my head on her shoulder. This time he got it. Within minutes I was starting to feel less and less pain. It was seriously amazing. My mood changed almost immediately and I felt like I had woken up from a bad dream. I was able to have conversations with the nurses and my husband and I was able to joke around. I told the nurses that I wanted to marry the anesthesiologist, but that I was pretty sure that Canada frowns upon polygamy. One of the nurses asked me if I was American and I said yes, and she exclaimed “I knew it!” I laughed and asked her how, and she said she could tell by the way I said something.

Again, I totally lost track of time for a lot of this. I know they checked me again at some point and I was 9.5 centimeters and only had a little lip of cervix left. At this point Jake’s mom had arrived, then my sister, then my parents and my grandma. (Ugh.) At one point I was in the bed and there was a knock and Jake said to come in, and under the privacy curtain I could see my parents’ shoes and my grandma’s shuffling feet. My eyes got wide and I shook my head back and forth and mouthed to Jake, “I don’t want them in here.” He told them I was resting and he went out into the hallway with them. I felt a little guilty because I wouldn’t have minded seeing my parents, but there was no way I could have dealt with my grandma.

So more time went by and they checked me and the lip was still there but that her head was pretty low. They asked me if I had the urge to push, and I said that I could feel pressure down there but didn’t feel like I needed to push. I said something like, “I’ve never been through this before so I don’t know what to expect. I feel a lot of pressure, but no urge to push. What should it feel like?” The nurse answered me back with, “It should feel like you have to take the biggest poop of your life.” Nope, wasn’t feeling that quite yet! Heh. So some time later they checked me again and I was at 10. The nurse said that my vitals and the baby’s vitals were excellent, and that if I wanted to push now I could but if I didn’t want to, we could wait a while longer and let the baby do some of the work by coming down even further. They said that because my labor progressed so quickly, they wanted to avoid major tearing. They also said I could push for a half hour or three hours, and that they didn’t want me to get exhausted if the latter happened. Since I was deathly afraid of pushing, I went along with it. LOL. I stayed that way for a few hours I think, until I got the overwhelming urge to push. They called the on call OB, Dr. Jasey, and he was super super nice. The pressure in my bum was insane and the only thing that made it feel better was to push. So they brought the “Oh Shit” handles up on the side of the bed for me to hold on to, brought the stirrups up, and we went to town. With each contraction I pushed three times for a count of 10. It didn’t take me long to get dizzy, so they gave me oxygen. I guess I was pushing for about an hour, but it didn’t feel like it at all. It flew by. They told me that I was an excellent pusher and I was doing an awesome job. They kept telling Jake to look down and see her hair, and to my surprise he did it. Then all of a sudden I felt the burning sensation, so I knew it was getting close. The burning was not as bad as I thought it would be. Apparently she was turned in a direction that the doc didn’t like, so he turned her as I pushed. All of a sudden I felt a “pop!” and the doc told me to stop pushing. I’m not sure if he cleaned out her nose and mouth, but I was listening for it and couldn’t hear it. Jake thinks he was cutting me at this point, but I have no idea. I gave one more push and her shoulders slid out and at that point it was like instant relief. The rest of her body wasn’t even out yet, but I felt 90% better. The rest of her slid out and he put her on my chest. Jake told me my demeanor changed immediately. I went from being beet red, grunting and groaning loudly, to smiling and happy when she was out. They took her over to the warming bed to do their evaluation and clean her up and I kept trying to peak through the bars on my bed to look at her. All the while the doctor was massaging my stomach and the placenta came out. None of that hurt. Just felt weird. I thought she was super tiny, but they weighed her and she was 7 pounds, 7 ounces! The nurses were surprised too because they thought she was smaller. Turns out she’s just long and skinny. She has some looooong legs, fingers and toes. The doctor told me that I started tearing toward my clitoris (told you about the TMI) so he cut me. He started to stitch me up but I could feel it, so he told the nurses to get a specific needle so he could numb me up a bit. The nurses told him they didn’t have it. He said he would go get it himself then, because “It wouldn’t be nice to use a such-and-such gauge needle on her in that area.” He came back and poked me a few times, which sucked, and then he stitched away and I couldn’t feel anything but tugging. (Gross.) He finished up, congratulated us and disappeared.

So yeah, the rest of the hospital stay involves diapers for both mommy and baby, squirt bottles to clean sensitive areas, stitches from bum all the way up, a small hemorrhoid that still has mommy petrified to poop, AMAZING nurses morning and night, and a fussy and needy but beautiful baby girl. I would do it all over again for her, but not for another one. I still don’t think we’ll be having any more.

She's Here!

Evelyn Victoria Meloche
Born September 27th at 2:36 PM, 10 days early!
7 pounds, 7 ounces
21 1/2 inches long
Freakishly long fingers and toes

I had my 38 week appointment today and it was my first cervical check. It was like a scene out of a stupid comedy. I was nekkid in the room for like 20 minutes, and in walked a third year intern, AKA little kid. He asked me the usual questions, and then told me to lie back so he can feel for the position of the baby. He manhandled my belly for a bit, then got out the Doppler thing. Because he’s just a freaking kid he fumbled forever and couldn’t find the heartbeat. I wasn’t worried because he was looking in the wrong spots and I knew it, but who am I to instruct a medical student? Because I was lying on my back for so long I started to get dizzy and when I get dizzy I get sweaty. I told him I had to sit up, and then he left the room to get the doctor. While he was gone, I realized that my sweaty ass was stuck to the paper and it had broken off into little wet pieces on my ass. Embarrassing! And funny! So Doogie walked back in with my OB and he had his turn first. It hurt briefly, but then it didn’t. He hung around in there for a while and I wanted to ask him if he was going to bake a fucking cake in there. The OB said, “Okay, that’s all the time you get, you’re taking too long.” So in goes the expert - seemingly to her elbows - and I physically recoiled and exclaimed, “WOW, that’s not comfortable at all. OW.” I have never had a cervical check before so I have nothing to compare it to, but I think she swept my membranes without asking my permission. “We’re trying to get things moving!” I don’t want to get things moving. My last day of work is tomorrow and the last few months have been torturous, so I was looking forward to having a little time to myself before the baby comes. If I go into labor I am going to choke a bitch. It’s the two hour premiere of Survivor tonight, dammit! Heh.

In any case, I am dilated to 2. I know that I can remain that way for weeks, so I’m not too worried about it. Though, it is a little unnerving to go to the washroom and see blood after not seeing it for so long. I also feel crampy, but I know that’s also normal. Stay in there, Gertie!

We still need to buy a few things for the nursery and I needed to pick up a few last minute items, so Jake and I went shopping yesterday. I don’t even know why I bother at this point. I can’t stand for more than 10 minutes without feeling the need to sit down NOW. We didn’t wind up getting the shades and curtains for the nursery because I couldn’t handle the thought of walking around another store. Jake’s going to go one night this week to pick those items up because he can move around more efficiently when he doesn’t have me waddling behind him. Heh. One of my biggest fears is that I won’t get some of my energy back after the baby is born. I don’t expect to have energy as soon as she pops out obviously, but I hope that my body is not this run down and exhausted once I lose a few pounds of baby and water weight, and when I don’t have a baby all up in my ribs making me feel like crap all day. I expect to be tired, but I hope that I can at least walk around a store for more than 10 minutes without wanting to die.

My last day of work is Friday! You have no idea how excited I am about that. My standard answer for any bullshit is going to be, “Just call me Phil Collins because I don’t care anymo’. I don’t care anymo-o-o’.” I can’t believe I’m going to have a year off. And that I don’t ever have to return here, ever.

I had my 37 week OB appointment this morning. My liver function test results came back totally normal, so that’s good news. The bad news is that I just have to deal with the annoying itching and the resulting bleeding from scratching incessantly. Oh joy! Gertie is head down and her back is on my left side. The hard part near the top of my belly that I’ve been poking at is her bum. Next week my OB starts the cervical checks. I can hardly wait.

This is part of a conversation Jake and I had last night.

Me: Are you going to cut Gertie’s cord?
Jake: I don’t know!
Me: What do you mean, ‘You don’t know?’
Jake: Isn’t it slimy and gross?
Me: Probably, but they clamp it in two spots and you just cut in between. You don’t have to actually touch it.
Jake: I’m not the grand marshal of the opening of a new Denny’s, for chrissakes!

I feel like I am woefully unprepared for Gertie’s arrival. I have an obvious belly, she moves throughout the day, I have to sleep alone because a queen sized bed has suddenly become too small for two of us, rolling over is a total chore, my body itches from head to toe, my ankles are swollen, my due date is in three weeks, her room is nearly done, and yet the reality that I will be having a baby in a matter of weeks has not fully hit me. I don’t have my bag packed and I keep putting it off. I haven’t put together the list of people to call after we’ve had her. I need more diapers and wipes and bottles and I haven’t gone out to get them yet. I haven’t sterilized the bottles that we do have. I just keep thinking that I have more time, when in reality I can go into labor at any point now.

I went to my family doctor today about my itching and he thinks it's a liver condition that some women get toward the end of the pregnancy. It's basically like jaundice and the increased bile in the bloodstream make women very itchy. He called my OB about it and discussed it with her. He talked to me about it like it was no big deal and ordered up blood tests to check my liver function. I'm going tomorrow morning for the blood tests. I just went online to read about this condition and I am freaking the fuck out. Doctors like to deliver babies early due to risks of stillbirth, maternal hemmoraging is more commmon, blah de blah. So now I am sitting here scratching myself all over like a crack addict and hoping that my test results tell me that I have something else.

I made an appointment with my family doctor because of an itchy rash I’ve had for a while now. My belly itches which I know is normal, but my legs and arms also itch and I have little bumps there. I’m hoping he can give me a prescription to help ease the itching, because over the counter crap just ain’t working. While I am there I am going to essentially beg and plead for him to write me off early. Jake doesn’t seem to think he’ll have a problem doing it (he’s done it for Jake before) because all he wants is his $40 to sign the paper. I am only asking to leave 2 ½ weeks early, for crying out loud. I started crying in frustration at work today because I’m totally stressed out.

DEWD, I would kill for a cigarette and a rum and Coke right now.

Jake and a friend moved the dresser into the baby’s room last night, so I spent two hours in there trying to figure out how to arrange her things. The room is tiny, so we thought we would need to stock up on different storage options: Decorative boxes, a plastic four-drawer storage unit on wheels, etc. As of right now, all that storage isn’t even 50% used! The dresser is not a child’s dresser, so there are huge, deep drawers. I put all of her newborn and 0-3 clothes in the dresser and I still have empty drawers! I also realized that I don’t have many newborn sleepers. I actually only have three. The rest are all onesies or gowns, and you can’t use gowns when putting the baby in a car seat, right? I have plenty of 0-3 clothes, but it might be a few weeks before she grows into them. Should I buy a few more newborn sleepers? I also don’t have any preemie outfits, so should I just buy one or two of those? I don’t think I’m going to have a tiny baby, but should I have some on hand in case I go early? I also took stock of my diapers, and all I have is a 40-pack of NB-10 pounds and a 66-pack of 8-14 pounds. Do I need more diapers in those NB sizes, or should I just buy size 1s? We’re going to go to Costco to buy the size 1s.

I think I spent 30 minutes last night just sitting in her room and staring at everything and imagining her in there and imagining how the room is going to look when it’s totally done. We still need to buy shades and curtains and I need to finish drawing her pictures to hang on the wall.

Good God, we have so much baby stuff. The dresser is being moved into the room on Tuesday, and I cannot wait because we have Gertie's stuff all over the house. I'm a messy slob and it's even driving me nuts. I started putting her books onto the bookshelf (Note to self: Gertie needs more books!) and we got some more organizers for the room. I also thought we were done with laundry, but more socks/blankets/towels/outfits/sheets turned up, so we have another garbage bag full of stuff to wash. I also need to sterilize bottles and nipples and get them put away. I finished my Windsor thank you cards and now I have to start on my Michigan ones.

Today I had an OB appointment and I flat out asked her if she could write me off a few weeks early for sick leave. I even lied and told her that the stress is causing cramping and bleeding. (I know, but I wanted to drive my point home: I want to be off work and I NEED to be off work.) She told me she couldn’t do anything for me unless they can prove that my problems are a result of my pregnancy. That is utter HORSESHIT, because my coworker’s OB wrote her off on sick leave for her back even though she continued to bowl on a league every week. Also, how are cramping and bleeding not a result of being pregnant? And she didn’t seem at all concerned that I had cramping and bleeding. She didn’t ask me any specifics and didn’t suggest any testing or anything. My OB said, “You can certainly take your mat leave early.” I told her if I do that, I have to give two weeks notice, and after two weeks I might as well stay on for one more week, which is when I planned to go off anyway. She said, “Oh, I didn’t know that. I don’t know the rules.” Yeah right, you deliver babies for a living and you see a gazillion patients a day and you don’t know the government’s maternity leave policies? Nice try. So I came into work today to a desk LOADED with paperwork and the phones ringing off the hook and my adrenaline is pumping and I am angry and snippy and UGH, I want to cry because I don’t want my last few weeks of work to be this stressful.

Apparently it's not enough to have sometimes crippling back pain, a belly covered in itchy stretch marks, and a body temperature gauge that's completely out of whack, rendering me sweaty and gross by lunch time every day. Now I seem to have some kind of lovely rash on my arms and legs! What else will pregnancy have in store for me?

Jake finished painting Gertie's room! It's beautiful. The crib was delivered on Thursday and it is also beautiful, though bigger than I remembered. Heh. My sister and Mikayla came over last night and spent the night, and my sister helped me sort through all the itty bitty clothes. I have so many clothes for the baby. We did three full loads of laundry and I still have another load to do! Jake has to finish up the dresser and have a buddy help move it into the room and we need to buy some finishing touches before the room will be complete.

My Michigan shower was on Saturday and it was very nice! It was a little more intimate, as there were about 20 people there. I was more comfortable this time because it was my family and friends and I know them all really well. I got a lot more wonderful stuff and about half of it is in our dining room and the other half is still at my parents’ house. We didn’t want to chance bringing it all over the border at once, but as it turns out the customs guy just essentially waved us through. Oh well, you never know who you’re going to get.

Mikayla was at the shower and I’m surprised at how well she behaved. There was another little boy there that she ran around with. He’s nine days younger than her. She called him “the Boy.” Jake came over to me at one point, laughing his ass off. “She just totally bullied that kid. He took her spoon and she shoved him into the wall. It was awesome.” LOL. She thought the shower cake was a birthday cake and she started to sing Happy Birthday. And she watched me open a few presents and took a stuffed hippo right out of my hands and ran off with it. “Woooooooow!”

We should have the baby’s room done this week. Tonight I’m leaving work a little early and we’re going to drive up to Tilbury to do some car shopping. Then the rest of this week we’re going to paint the room and finish the dresser, which only needs a coat or two of polyurethane. The crib is being delivered on Thursday.

On Friday I went to the chiropractor after work, and I don't know what the deal was this time but she really did a number on me. She didn't do anything that she doesn't usually do, but when I walked out of there I was in quite a bit of pain. By the time Jake and I got to my parents' house I could barely walk. I couldn't walk from the bathroom to the couch without crying. I thought I was going to have to crawl down the stairs to go to bed, but crawling hurt just as bad as walking so I tried my best to suck it up. I didn't feel much better on Saturday, so we had a lazy play-with-Mikayla day. Then by 8:00 PM I was going stir crazy and my back was feeling a little better so we went out and did some grocery shopping. Jake calls me Mother Waddles because when my back is acting up I have that pregnant girl waddle and I have to walk very slow. People keep joking that I should use a motorized scooter, and I just keep flipping them off.

I think we're close to getting the nursery done. Well, we started it anyway. Heh. Jake primed the room on Friday and we picked up our bedding on Friday night. We picked up a bookcase that was on sale at Target and we went to Home Depot to buy paint. When we got home today Jake primed and painted the top of the dresser to see how it would look, since the staining didn't go well. It looks like it might work, so provided that we still like it in the daylight tomorrow, he'll work on painting the entire dresser. Then we can paint the room and call the furniture store to have them deliver our crib. My Michigan shower is on Saturday and my sister wants to spend the night to help us put stuff away, so I am hoping we can get everything done by Saturday. I don't see it happening, but we'll see. The furniture is dark brown, almost espresso, we're putting a sage green color on the walls, painting the trim white, and bringing white accents into the room via curtains, an area rug, lighting and other decor. I am drawing four pictures for Gertie and we're going to mat and frame them with white and hang the pictures on the wall. I just want the room to look very serene.

So shower #1 is over and done with! It was really really nice. Wendy did a great job planning it. It helps to have a funny, not-shy husband when all you want to do it crawl into a hole. Heh. The food was yummy and the room looked really nice. Wendy had an insane amount of prizes, so almost everyone walked out with a prize on top of the “thank you” favors everyone received for attending. We got an insane amount of loot. Insane. Our dining room is loaded with baby stuff, as well as our laundry room in the basement. And I still have one more shower to go! Jake and I have some wonderfully generous friends and family. And because my husband doesn’t like things out of place, he has now fully realized that he needs to get moving on the nursery so we have a place to put everything! I must’ve heard comments about my “bump” (or lack thereof) no less than a half dozen times. One of Jake’s aunts took one look at me and said, “What I want to know is, where is that baby?” I said something along the lines of “Oh, she’s in there, trust me!” Then his other aunt piped in with “You’re not even showing!” Well yes, yes I am. But I’ve seen you all of three times in my life, so I don’t expect you to know the size of my uterus. Jake’s mom took a lot of pictures, but I’m afraid to see them because I was boiling hot and I’m sure I looked like a greasy, sweaty mess. I took the time to straighten my hair and it started to go curly because I was sweating. FABULOUS.

Oh, and Jake's sister rocks. She got this shirt for Gertie.

Today is my Windsor shower and I'm not too nervous - yet. Jake left to meet his mom at the hall to help her set up. He'll be at the shower with me the whole time, and people are acting like that's the most bizarre thing in the world. The last few wedding and baby showers that I've been to have been attended by the groom or father-to-be, so I didn't think it was a big deal. It's his baby, too!

Jake's stepmother just called and asked me if Jake's dad had told us what they're doing for the baby. His dad hasn't said a word. So she told me that they are going to start an education trust fund for Gertie. I am so unbelievably thankful for that gift. I always wished I had something like that set up for me and I always swore that I would do it for my child. I don't want her to have to worry about being able to afford to go to college.

I passed the 2-hour glucose test with flying colors! OB said everything is looking good. Gertie was moving around like mad when we were trying to hear her heartbeat. She kept punching/kicking the machine. I can't quite figure out how she's positioned in there, but I think I felt a bum last night.

So it looks like we may be SOL with the dresser that Jake has been trying to refinish. He did a great job stripping it, but he has already put three coats of stain on it and it’s not nearly as dark as it should be. So I did some Googling and found out that pine does not stain well, and that it looks best in light or medium colors. We’re trying to match it to our crib stain, which is essentially an espresso color. As a last resort, Jake went to Home Depot yesterday to try to buy some paint that matches the crib stain. I personally think that it will look like crap painted, but he wants to try it so we’ll see. We may have to go shopping for a dresser now, which we were not counting on. I’m almost wishing we had purchased a white crib because it would have been easier to match up with. Jake also started patching holes in the wall in the baby’s room and he bought primer, so we’ll start painting the room soon. I can’t believe I have like 8 weeks left. That’s insane.

That was a craptacular weekend. First Jake’s car died, then my mom and sister had to drive us all the way home on Sunday, then Jake realized he lost the car insurance and ownership papers for his Prelude and Corvette, then I was wide awake last night until 6:30 in the morning. Of course my pregnancy-induced insomnia had to return on a weeknight, right? Then Jake told me today that he’s thinking about holding onto the Prelude for a longer period of time, which pisses me off. The nesting instinct is kicking in full force, and the fact that Gertie will not fit in his car is literally making me panic.

Me: What do you mean you want to keep the car?
Jake: It still has some life left in it. And I don’t want the added expense of a newer car.
Me: Okay, but wouldn’t it make more sense to sell the car now while you can still get a few thousand for it? There’s no way the baby will fit in your car and it’s freaking me out.
Jake: She will fit in it.
Me: No, she won’t. When you get the car back, I want you to take the car seat out to the car and attempt to fit it in your back seat. It will not fit. In fact, it will barely fit into my back seat.
Jake: I can put her in the front seat.
Me: *laughing* No, it’s illegal to put her in the front seat. This isn’t 1978.

I realize that the nesting instinct isn’t exactly rational, but it’s there and it’s hard to get across to Jake how much this stuff bugs me. She’s going to be here in 10 weeks (!!!) and the dresser isn’t done and we haven’t started on the room. Rationally, I know the room is more for us and not for the baby, and that the room technically doesn’t have to be decorated by the time she’s born, but when I start to think about it the internal panic sets in.

Last night I went back and read some of Jake’s LJ posts from when we first started dating, and it made me incredibly nostalgic. I can’t believe how fraught with drama our lives were back then, which seems so foreign compared to how we get along now. We rarely fight, and when we do it’s usually over something trivial and within a few hours we’re back to normal. A few of his posts from way back talked about how he didn’t know if he wanted to ever get married, and he definitely didn’t want any kids. (I didn’t either, at that point.) And now we just have this . . . life together. And it feels so normal and so right. Now I have a husband that curls up behind me in bed with his hand on my belly, getting a huge kick out of his daughter elbowing or punching or kicking him in the hand. I have a husband that has been toiling and sweating over a dresser refinishing project for his baby girl, and he’s so proud of himself – and rightfully so. I have a total sweetheart of a husband and I just can’t believe that our relationship was so rocky in the beginning.

I was up all night for the second night in a row, so I called in sick today and decided to go and get the stupid blood test over with. Jake came with me to keep me company and that was really helpful. I wound up having to be stuck four times for three blood draws: Once in each arm and once on the top of each hand. She only had to dig around for one of the pokes and she quit before I started to freak out. So it wasn't that bad and now it's over with. I'm crossing my fingers that I am not diagnosed with GD!

So, for the past week I have been craving a slice of store bought cake of the vanilla on vanilla variety. (I know, boring!!) Every day I wistfully say, "I really want some cake right now." So today I came home from my chiropractor and Jake had dinner going because I had such a bad day, and he had a surprise for me: A cake from the grocery store! I started laughing and said, "Awww honey, I'm sorry you might have gestational diabetes, here's some cake!" He always knows how to make me feel better.

My biggest fear has come true. I had my OB appointment today and my one hour glucose test was “a little high.” So I have to have the two hour test, which = three separate blood draws. I have had more anxiety about this very thing than I do about giving birth. As I was crying in her chair, she added insult to injury by telling me that I had to watch my weight because I gained six pounds since last month. The most I have gained in any prior appointment is one pound, and she found it necessary to lecture me about my weight while I am sobbing in her chair?

The part that pisses me off most is that I should have refused to take the first test. I KNOW the one hour test is not accurate. I KNOW that I could retake it tomorrow and get totally different numbers. I KNOW that only 12-15% of the people who fail the one hour screening test actually get diagnosed with GD. I KNOW that, more than likely, I am going to have to go through torture to be told that I don’t have GD and it all could have been avoided if I had just said “No thanks” to the first test. I can’t refuse the two hour test now because the seed has been planted, and I would be given the guilt trip of all guilt trips: You could be hurting your baby if you don’t have the test.

So now I get to miss 3+ hours of work to be stabbed repeatedly in the arms, to wind up looking like a pregnant heroin junkie.

I went to the chiropractor yesterday and it went okay. She's super busy and I had to wait for a while, and since it was my first appointment it took longer than normal. She told me that due to the ligaments loosening to prepare my body for childbirth, I'm having severe issues with my sacroiliac joints (which I knew because if I push on those joints the pain is immense) and I also have a pinched sciatic nerve, which is causing the pain in my butt that radiates down my right leg. Again, knew that, but I guess I just thought it would fix itself. My back is pretty misaligned because for months I have been walking to compensate for the pain I've been having. Just a few days ago I got out of the shower and looked at myself in the mirror, and I could see that my right hip is slightly higher than my left and that my spine was crooked. So I will be seeing her often for adjustments and treatment. I'll see her every goddamned day if she makes the pain stop. The only thing that bugged me about her is that she lectured me about breastfeeding, but I realize that she's in a naturopathic, "crunchy" field so I humored her. Just fix my back and don't tell me what to do with my boobs, thank you very much.

My back has been absolutely killing me for the past few months. I wake up in the morning and I have little pain, but as the day wears on the pain gets progressively worse. By the time I go to bed at night, I am almost in tears because it is excruciating to try to put pressure on my right leg. And I’m pretty sure that I need my right leg to walk. I have an appointment tomorrow to see a new chiropractor that supposedly is wonderful with pregnant women. I am also going to start going for regular massages. I even ordered a maternity support belt, which looks like it would be ridiculously uncomfortable in this nasty heat, but I am willing to try anything at this point as long as the pain goes away or is significantly minimized. I wish I could just pop an 800mg ibuprofen, goddammit.

I had my one hour glucose test today and it was a breeze! The drink was nasty after the first few gulps, but I managed to get it down without any issues. The guy who took my blood was very nice and gentle and he got it on the first try, so yay for that! Now I just have to cross my fingers and hope that I passed so I don’t have to have the longer test. Gertie started going nuts almost immediately after I had the drink! She was all over the place because of all the sugar.

Tuesday we came home from work and found out that Purolator had been by to drop off two boxes, but since we weren't home we'd have to go pick them up at the depot. (I hate that. HATE. Just leave it on the goddamned porch.) So I got ridiculously excited because I rarely get packages, so we jetted to Purolator only to find out that Jake and I cannot read. We were supposed to wait until the next day to pick them up. So on Wednesday we went back and picked up our two boxes. The Purolator lady had to drag one of the boxes out from the back because it was so big! She was like, "Hmm, this says boxes 2 of 3, but the third box isn't here. I'll call you if I find it in the back." I was so giddy. So then we went home and, wouldn't you fucking know it, another Purolator guy came by to drop off the third package while we were AT the Purolator depot. So we had to go back again today after work to get the third and final package. Phew!

Jake's sisters totally hooked us up! They got us our infant car seat, car seat bases, and the cutest little monkey toys! Jake's head is going to explode once we have our showers and we have to load a ton of baby crap into the house. He's already complaining about the stuff we already have! Poor guy has no idea what he's in for.

Jake has been using his time off to move rooms around. He took apart his computer desk and moved it into the basement and hooked his computer up down there. Then he moved the bed out of the baby's room and moved it into the old computer room. Now we just have to figure out how to refinish the dresser to match the crib. And we have to call the store and ask them to deliver the crib. And we have to pick out paint and other decor for the room. I am itching to get it done, but since I can't do much of it I'm trying not to push Jake. I know it's that dreaded nesting instinct, and I just have to tell myself that I have three months left to finish putting the room together.

I've been feeling more and more movement as time goes on. I was only feeling pokes and jabs in my lower abdomen, but now I feel them from lower abdomen to just below my ribcage. The pokes and jabs are still somewhat light, but every now and then there will be a succession of movements that feel like she's taking kickboxing lessons in there! I am having pretty severe back pain, and it's unlike any back pain I've had before. The pain begins in my right butt cheek and goes down my right leg, which sounds like sciatica, but I have had sciatic pain before and this is different. It almost feels like my leg is dislocated from my right hip. I have a prenatal massage scheduled for tomorrow, and I may try out a different chiropractor.

I had my regular OB appointment this morning. She did her measurements of my belly and gave a quick listen to the heartbeat. Everything is coming along nicely, I guess. I weigh the same as I did four weeks ago at my last appointment. I told her that people keep giving me curious and sometimes worrisome glances when I tell them how far along I am, and that my mother-in-law keeps asking me if I’ve gained any weight. The doctor pretty much solidified the answer that I’ve been giving people: I was overweight to begin with, and therefore do not need to gain a lot of weight. In fact, it could be dangerous to gain a lot of weight. I was also given a referral to have the dreaded sugar test in a few weeks. I’m debating “forgetting” to have the test done. I’ve done some research and I have my reasons.

Today we had a hospital tour (the c-section room was freaky deaky), then we went out for a yummy breakfast, then we bought a crib! Yay! Now I'm going to take a nap.

Jake and I went crib shopping over the weekend. We are both the most indecisive people on earth, especially when it comes to big purchases. The Baby’s Room in Michigan was having a big sale and almost all of their furniture was on sale. Instead of picking something out and being on our way, we hemmed and hawed and couldn’t make up our minds. To be fair, we are concerned about a) getting it over the border because Jon is the only one with a truck and he’s super busy and b) having to pay duty and taxes on the furniture if it’s not made in North America. There’s not much point in a discount if we’d wind up paying regular price anyway once you factor all that in. We have a long weekend coming up in two weeks, so we’re planning on going up to Toronto to check out the factory outlet store for Mother Hubbard’s Cupboards, which is a company that sells furniture made in Canada. There is a dealer in Michigan, but the factory outlet in Toronto sells their furniture at a discount, has discontinued items, etc. We’re hoping we’ll find something there because then we don’t have to worry about getting it over the border.

We didn’t walk away from The Baby’s Room without making a purchase, though. We found bedding that we fell in love with, so we ordered it. It’s bedding that I must’ve passed over 150 times during my online searches because the pictures online do the set absolutely no justice. I don’t even want to post pictures here because I would rather get the room together and post our own pictures – that’s how crappy it looks online. I feel like a dummy for changing my mind so many times. That’s why I’m afraid to tell family and friends about our registries because I keep tinkering with them! LOL!

First, a rant: I have a love/hate relationship with Old Navy, and it’s quickly becoming more of a hate relationship. First of all, Old Navy in Canada just plain sucks. Their selection sucks, their prices suck, and their hours suck. But within the last year or so, American Old Navy stores started phasing our plus sizes, and the only way you can get Old Navy plus sizes is by ordering them online without trying them on first, and if they don’t fit you have to pay to ship them back because the stores no longer accept plus size returns. That pissed me off, because they’re basically sending a message to fat women that says “We want your money, but we don’t want to see you in our stores.” However, I was still able to fit into some of their stuff, considering that their “regular” Women’s sizes go up to a 20 on bottom and XXL on top.

Old Navy Online sells Maternity clothes up to an XXL, and since they don’t technically have plus sizes in Maternity, I figured they would carry up to an XXL in their stores’ Maternity sections. After all, the “regular” Women’s section goes up to an XXL, right? The largest size that Old Navy had in their Maternity section was an XL. I was so livid, and thankfully my loving husband listened to me bitch and moan and agreed that their policies are bullshit. Either carry the sizes or don’t. None of this online-only crap. If you’re going to offer online-only for fat girls, don’t charge them to ship the stuff back because you won’t let them return the clothes to the stores when they don’t fit.

There is such little selection for plus-size women as it is, and the selection for plus-size PREGNANT women is even more dismal. I’m relegated to two racks at Motherhood, where they charge $40 for a pair of jean capris, but it’s the only place where I can actually try clothes on. No department stores carry plus size maternity. I have very little choice but to order clothes online, try them on at home, and then return the items that don’t fit and eat the shipping costs. None of the sizing is consistent, either. I’m a 1X at one place, a 2X at another, an XXL at another and an XL at yet another. AAAAAAAARGH sorry, done ranting now.

I’m noticing interesting reactions from people about my pregnancy. It is still not obvious to strangers that I am pregnant, which I am enjoying because I don’t like the attention. But the people who DO know I am pregnant are acting weird. My MIL keeps asking me if I’ve gained any weight, because I think she’s just concerned that I am not showing at all. Then on Saturday our neighbor Keith walked down to our yard sale to say hi, and this is how our conversation went:

Keith: Hi Melissa! How are you feeling? [looks at my belly]
Me: [feels self-conscious] I’m feeling pretty good these days! I’ve had some issues unrelated to my pregnancy, but otherwise I’m doing well, thanks!
Keith: How far along are you? [looks at my belly again]
Me: Almost 23 weeks, so ummm. . . 5 ½ months?
Keith: [look of concern and shock comes over his face, looks at my belly again] REALLY. Wow. You’re doing good then!
Me: [blushing] Yeah, I guess. I’m not showing much yet, I know . . .

People keep reacting that way!! LOL. It’s almost like they think I’m starving my baby or something, and I want to look at them and say, “Does it look like I’m hurting for food?” My sister didn’t start showing until she was 7 months along, and I have a feeling I’ll be the same way. Jake and I have noticed that my belly is poking out a bit more, only because we both know my belly pretty well, but most other people aren’t noticing it.

We had our 3D/4D ultrasound today and it was so neat! It was well worth the money, even just to relax on a state of the art bed in a posh room while having the ultrasound. Definitely better than the doctor's office! We got to watch Gertie for 30 minutes on a big, flat screen TV. (Yes, she is definitely a girl.) She was not being very cooperative, though. (Yes, she is definitely a girl.) She was facing my back almost the entire time and had both hands up at her face. The tech managed to get some shots of the face, though. Since Gertie is so small and has no baby fat, she looks totally skeletal and creepy, which we got a kick out of. She had her legs curled up most of the time, and for a few minutes she had her one leg pulled straight up to her head. The tech managed to jostle her enough to get her to move around a bit, but she always went right back to her position facing my back, her hands up at her face as if to say, "These fucking paparazzi just will not go away."

I haven't had any pain since yesterday morning, and trust me: I am constantly knocking on wood and crossing my fingers. I have been a water drinking machine, and after doing some online research and talking to my neighbor, I went out and bought a huge jug of lemonade because apparently it can help break stones down. I don't know if I still have the stone, but if I had to guess I would say yes. My pain was bad, but not as bad as I remember it the last time I had a stone. I had one nine years ago, and I remember it being much more painful when it started making its way down. For all I know, my current stone is still hanging out in my right kidney. Ugh. But even if I did pass it, I figure that getting all this extra water has to be good for Gertie and I, so I might as well make a habit of it.

Speaking of Gertie, she is still moving up a storm. When I was in the hospital, a doctor checked her heart rate and she was moving alllll over the place. The doctor was laughing and said, "Ohhh, she doesn't care at all that mommy is in pain! She's in there having a good old time!" I was monitored during both trips to the hospital, and Gertie was just fine. I neglected to mention that in my other posts, and I feel kind of guilty about that. I was just hurting and upset and venting. We're going to check out a baby furniture store in Wixom this weekend, provided that I don't have more attacks. I don't want to be too far away from home if I have to rush to the hospital again. I don't know if my Ontario health insurance plan would cover me for any medical expenses incurred in the States. But the furniture at this store is apparently all made in Canada, which means that we wouldn't have to pay duty or taxes on it if we bring it across the border! Score! And, call me vain, but I made an appointment on Saturday for one of those creepy 3D/4D ultrasounds. I'm paranoid that the last ultrasound tech was wrong in determining the sex. I also was disappointed with how my anatomy ultrasound went because the lady was really bitchy. The 3D/4D ultrasound is for our enjoyment and not for medical purposes, so we'll get to spend the entire 30 minutes watching Gertie bounce around in there. We should also be able to have Gertie's sex confirmed once and for all. I'm just praying to the kidney gods that I don't have to miss the appointment. :(

I had yet another visit to the hospital yesterday because my pain returned at around 3:00 PM. It got worse by 7:00 so we headed to the OB triage. I couldn't bear the thought of possibly having to wait in an ER waiting room for hours, and figured the OB triage could get me in right away. They did, but I basically writhed in pain for three hours because they did absolutely nothing for me. They called the OB on duty and he told them to give me a shot of Demerol in my ass, which was an absolute joke. They made me wait an hour to "find out the next step" and the most I could do was close my eyes and pretend I was somewhere else. Then the doctor came to see me and he was a total ASSHOLE. He better not be the OB that has to deliver my baby, because if he is I don't know what I'll do. He told me I had two choices: 1. They could send me home with Tylenol 3's and Gravol or 2. They could admit me and try to manage my pain. He was extremely impatient and I didn't know what to do, so he TURNED HIS BACK AND WALKED AWAY and mumbled something about letting him know when I've made up my mind.

The nurses gave us some time to think it over, and I explained to her that if Demerol did nothing for the pain, neither would fucking Tylenol 3's. But then she told me that all they'd give me was Demerol anyway, so would I rather be in pain at home or at the hospital? I told her fine, I would go home with the Tylenol 3's. When she left I started sobbing because I knew I was being sent home to basically writhe in pain until the stone passes, which can sometimes take days or even weeks. I also knew that I would wind up right back there again, which I wanted to avoid because checking in and doing all the pre-care question and answer bullshit is excruciating. But I was also afraid that if they admitted me, and I was there for say 2 days without passing the stone, they'd send me home anyway and I could still wind up back at the hospital. So we left and came home. I took two Tylenol 3's and one Gravol and slept for two hours, until I was awoken by stronger pain than I've felt so far with this little episode. I ran to the bathroom and threw up twice, then came back to bed and cried some more and managed to fall asleep again. The pain went away again sometime in the early morning, but I called in to work anyway because I was so exhausted. Now I've just been sitting here, waiting for the pain to come again.

Jake and I wound up at the hospital again this morning, this time at the ER. Guess who had a kidney stone attack? Yeeeaaaaah, fun. I woke up at 2:30 with the telltale pain, but then it subsided a bit so I went back to sleep until 4:30. Then I awoke to even more pain than before, so we threw on some clothes and headed to the ER. Thankfully it was dead and there was only one guy ahead of us. The triage nurse asked me for a urine sample, so when I peed in the cup I got quite a surprise when my urine was the color of cherry Kool-Aid. So they brought me to the back and gave me a bed and an IV, and thankfully the girl got the vein in my right hand on the first try. Then they gave me a small amount of morphine and some Gravol for the pain. Wow, I've never had morphine before, but I can see how people could get addicted! It gave me quite the buzz. I peed several times and used the strainer, but I never saw a stone. The pain went away probably at around 7:00 in the morning, but they still gave me an ultrasound to look at my kidneys. They didn't inform the ultrasound tech that I was pregnant, so she was doing her bidness and after a few minutes of checking my right side, she moved the wand to my abdomen and goes, "Uhhh, you're pregnant?" When I told her yes, she said, "Geez, thanks for telling me, guys. It's nowhere on this sheet! I saw the head and it freaked me out!" I had quite the laugh about that one. When I returned to the ER triage Jake told me that the doctor came by and told him that I had a kidney stone but that I passed it. I was totally confused because I never saw a stone, and the nurses who had to check my pee never mentioned to me that they found a stone. The pain was/is gone, but I'm afraid it's still in there and just moved and that it'll cause more pain when it starts moving again. I figure that they just wanted to send me home because the ER was getting really busy. I'm crossing my fingers that I did indeed pass the stone and that we just missed it. We finally left at around 10:30 AM and I came home and went right to bed. My hand is killing me from the IV, but otherwise I feel okay.

I just got home from the OB triage at the hospital because I've been having pretty severe pains that are definitely in the TMI category. I wasn't going to go but Jake insisted, just to make sure that it was nothing serious. I have to say, everyone that I talked to there was AWESOME. All the nurses were friendly and the OB had a great bedside manner. I've heard great things about him and now I know why! They all made me feel totally at ease and they didn't make me feel like I was wasting their time. They let Jake sit next to me the whole time. I basically had to pee in a cup twice and have my nether regions poked and prodded by two different people. The result: Nothing serious and nothing that can really be helped, aside from getting rest. On the way home I told Jake that I deserved ice cream for having to show my bits to strangers and he agreed. Now labia jokes are all the rage in our household.

Long weekend, woo hoo! We have a wedding to go to tomorrow. I was looking forward to this wedding for months because they’re big partiers and we’re going to know quite a few people and I was looking forward to drinking my face off with them. But now I’ll be sitting at the table with my other pregnant friend, talking about how jealous we are of all the drinkers, trading stories about what’s going on with our bodies. OH JOY.

I never ever thought I would miss drinking this much. I don’t miss smoking – well occasionally I’ll have an urge to smoke out of the blue, but the urge is never strong enough to actually entertain the thought of doing it – but I really really miss being able to get tipsy with friends. That may sound immature, but I don’t care. I cut way down on the drinking in the past few years, but occasionally I like to go to BBQs or parties or weddings and throw them back with everyone else. Nothing wrong with that. Oh well, Robin and I will plot our plans after giving birth. We’ve already told our husbands that they’re taking us out and getting us shitfaced after we’ve had our babies. It’ll probably only take me two drinks, as opposed to 7 or 8, so Jake’s cheap ass should be happy!

I have the best ensemble to wear to the wedding. I found the perfect dress and the perfect jewelry and the perfect shoes. I feel so pretty when I’m wearing everything. I’m even going to get my hair did tomorrow because I don’t want to have bland hair when everything else looks purdy. I don’t have any idea how to put my own hair up. It’s pretty short, but it should be long enough to curl most of it and pin it back. I would last roughly 5 minutes in the bathroom with a curling iron and bobby pins before hurling obscenities and hot irons across the room.

We had our anatomy scan this morning! Everything looks good and we got to see the baby rolling around in there and we have the cutest pictures of hands and feet, and a few of those creepy pictures where the kid is looking right at the "camera" and all you see are eye sockets and an alien-esque head.

As for the "big" news:

We're playing for team hamburger! AKA we have to change Ernie's nickname! AKA it's a girl! Jake blurted out Gertie at breakfast, and that sounds bizarre enough for us so Gertie it is! Gertie the Gestater!

Jake and I were just driving home from Kingsville and had the following conversation. I have to preface this by saying that I haven't been sleeping well, so I am overtired. And I'm sure my hormones had something to do with my oddball behavior. Heh.

Jake: Don't spill your pop in the automobile!
Me: Automobiiiiiiiiiiiilllle?!?!?! (I said it like Long Duk Dong from Sixteen Candles)
Jake: *laughs*
Me: We should name our kid Long Duk Dong Meloche!
Jake: LDDM!
Me: No, just Dong. Dong Meloche. *laughs*
Jake: "Is your kid's name Don?" "No, it's Dong. With a 'G'"
Me: *laughing so hard that I can't breathe and I'm starting to cry*
Jake: Oh my God! You're weird.
Me: *trying to catch my breath* DONG!!!! HAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA
Jake: *laughing*
Me: Especially if it's a girl. DONG! HAHAHAAHAHAHAH
Jake: Oh my god. What's wrong with you?
Me: *wiping tears from my eyes*
Jake: We'll give Dong a bowl haircut and part it down the middle so it looks like the head of a penis.
Me: Ooooooh my God, stop!

By the end of the conversation I was sobbing. That's never happened to me before. I've laughed so hard that I had tears streaming down my face, but this time I was literally laughing and crying at the same time. WTF?

I hit 18 weeks yesterday. I can’t believe I am almost halfway there. That’s so surreal because I don’t really feel much different than I did before I was pregnant, aside from being more tired than usual. I can’t feel any regular movement yet, and I don’t have an obvious baby belly yet. To think that I am pretty much halfway to the point of birthing a human being is just so weird. Oh yeah, about the movement thing. For the past few days I’ve been experiencing what feels like muscle twitches in my uterus area. You know when you look down at your leg or hand and a muscle is involuntarily twitching? That’s what it feels like, but in my abdomen. It doesn’t happen on a regular basis yet. Yesterday I was sitting in the chiropractor’s office and it was going nuts for like 40 seconds straight, when I was leaning forward in my chair. After it stopped I tried poking and prodding my stomach, but Ernie was done with his theatrics.

I have the “big” ultrasound on Monday. That’s where they’ll go over Ernie with a fine tooth comb by checking his anatomy to make sure that everything is kosher. If Ernie cooperates, we should also be able to find out the sex! Ohhh, he better cooperate. I have a feeling Ernie will be a she and we’ll have to come up with a new nickname for her. Speaking of names, we have the list narrowed down to a select few favorites. I don’t think we’re going to pick a name until we meet the little creature, but here’s what we have for now:

Boy: Henry, Eli, James or John. We’ve unanimously decided that Vincent will be the middle name. Vincent is Jake’s grandfather’s name. The name Remy keeps falling on and off my list. I think it’s a kickass French name, but it may be a little too feminine and difficult to pronounce for the ‘Mericans.

Girl: Evelyn (nickname Evie), Charlotte (nickname Charlie), Katherine (nickname Kate), Elisabeth (nickname Libby) and Amelia. We haven’t decided on a middle name. Jake wants Marie because that was his grandmother’s name, but I want Victoria after my dad (Victor).

Last night Jake and I went to a Cinco de Mayo party and I had my first “Can I touch your belly?” question. I was pretty uncomfortable. I tried to brush it off by saying that there’s not much baby belly there and most of it is pre-existing fat, which is mostly true. She then asked me if I would lift up my shirt to show her my belly and I flat out said, “I’m sorry, I’m not comfortable doing that.” If it was just her I probably would have done it, but the house was full of people! Because I was so fluffy to begin with, I don’t have a ‘D’ shaped belly. I have a ‘B’ shaped belly. It’s not a cute, taut, perfectly round bump and I don’t want to go around showing it to random people.

I don’t know if it’s gas or what, but I just felt some “flutters” in the general Ernie area. There were like four in a row and then it stopped. I’ve also been feeling weird stuff for the past few days when I sleep on my stomach. Yes, I still find it comfortable to sleep on my stomach. I think that’s one of the plusses of having a fluffy tummy to begin with. I know I won’t be able to do it much longer, but for now I’m going to take advantage of it even if it pisses Ernie off. Lol. I dunno, it seems kind of early to be feeling movement, though. I’m 16 weeks, but from the reading I’ve done it seems like it takes bigger girls longer to feel movement than smaller girls, and it’s more common for first-time mothers to feel it after 18 weeks.

Toda's OB checkup was quick and painless. She told me my blood pressure was good, my weight was good (only gained 1 pound in a month) and my urine was clean of sugar and protein. She asked me if I’ve been having any problems and I said no, that I’ve been feeling pretty good lately. She didn’t have my ultrasound results yet, but she asked how that went. I told her it went well and that they told me I was measuring two days ahead. She said as long as the ultrasound dates are within a week of my calculations based on my LMP, she’ll keep the current due date which is October 7th. I have to call and schedule my big 20 week ultrasound for within the next 3-5 weeks. Wow, that snuck up on me fast! Oh, and baby’s heart rate was 153 this time.

The Great Baby Shower Fiasco of 2008™ has been settled. My Windsor shower will be on August 10th and my Michigan shower will be August 23rd. I decided to have two showers so that both grandmothers-to-be could plan their own shindigs. That way, no one winds up with hurt feelings. So both locations have been booked and both mothers are happy, so yippee! Now I get to figure out the logistics of registering in two countries. I did that for my wedding and I had people complaining that I didn’t have enough stuff on my registry. Well, that’s because I had to split the registry between two countries! If I had my choice, I wouldn’t have a shower at all, and therefore wouldn’t have to register. I would prefer to buy most of my stuff second hand at Mom to Mom sales, because I’d feel better about recycling perfectly good baby gear instead of filling my house with brand new stuff that the kid will grow out of in a short amount of time. We don’t want more than one kid, so we won’t be saving any of it. I suppose I could sell it myself to help some other mommies out.

I had my first ultrasound this morning! Ernie is measuring 15 weeks, 2 days. He was just chilling in there and wasn't moving around too much. He moved his hands and legs around a little bit but other than that he was lazy, just like his mother! I keep saying he he he but I still think it's going to be a girl. I've always had a feeling I would have a girl, and all the old wives' tales point in that direction. I don't put much stock into those things, but I just have a feeling. I dunno. According to the heartrate (149 BPM) it should be a girl. We'll find out in a month or so when we have the "big" ultrasound!

Meredith Carlos sent us the cutest baby t-shirt ever made. It's Ernie's very first article of clothing! Awwwww!

I am 13 weeks pregnant and 1 week away from my second trimester and I threw up today for the first time. WTF? I have felt like total ass for the past two days. I have no appetite and I have to force myself to eat. I can’t stand for long periods of time because I have absolutely no energy. I thought I was going to die in Home Depot yesterday while we waited for an employee to find something for us. I almost grabbed the keys from Jake and ran for the car because I needed to sit down so badly. I’ve gained 2.5 pounds so far, so that’s not bad. I have a feeling I might have lost a few pounds over the last few days though.

Well, I now know that Ernie the Embryo does in fact exist. (He’s technically a fetus now, but the nickname Ernie has stuck. I pity the poor thing if it winds up being a girl. Heh.) I had my first OB appointment this morning and we heard the heartbeat! Yay!! It was really neat. Jake said it sounded like a dishwasher.

I love my OB. She was extremely friendly and she didn’t rush us, despite the fact that she always had 3 rooms going at one time. She’s very young, which I think is a blessing rather than a curse. I should be receiving a phone call soon about when my dating ultrasound appointment will be, so that will be exciting!

I had my first baby dream last night. It was a newborn baby boy, yet he looked like he was six months old. He was very cute (I am seriously afraid I will have an ugly kid) and he immediately started sleeping through the night. Jake and I kept fighting over who got to hold him when he cried. I woke up with a very peaceful feeling, as if maybe we aren’t completely ruining our lives. I must admit, I am still not completely thrilled about the prospect of having a baby. I sometimes wonder if we made the right decision. I know these feelings are probably normal and will probably change the minute I hear the heartbeat or see the little sea monkey on an ultrasound screen. It’s funny, I spent months trying to calm Jake down about trying for a baby, and now that it has become a reality he is constantly reassuring my insecure ass.

For the record, I have entered week 7 and I am not feeling much different. I am fighting off a cold so that might be distracting me from any prego symptoms. Still no nausea, though I still gag when I brush my tongue in the morning. My boobs don’t hurt as much, but I think I am going to need to buy new bras soon. The cups, they runneth over.

It has been a week since I had my blood work done, and as of this morning I hadn’t heard from my doctor’s office yet. I called this morning and basically said it has been a week since my blood work was completed and I am new to all of this and don’t know what to expect, so can you fill me in? The girl put me on hold for a while, then came back and said, “There were a few tests that the lab did not run, and we’re holding your blood so that it can be tested for those few things. So we can make an appointment to see the doctor again in about a month if you want.” I nearly started crying, because almost every single appointment I have ever had with the man was pointless and left me completely unsatisfied. So then the girl says, “Wait a minute, let me see if we’ve scheduled your first OB appointment yet. Oh! Yes we have. It is scheduled for March 24th at 10:00 AM.”

Jiminy Christmas. Were they ever going to call me to inform me of my appointment? But this is weight off the shoulders because, while they apparently did not test my blood for everything they were supposed to, they did test it for pregnancy because otherwise I wouldn’t have gotten the OB appointment. So yeah, in about six weeks we’ll get to hear the heartbeat and all that jazz.

I felt a tiny bit nauseous today. I gagged when I brushed my teeth, and for a few hours I felt mildly sick, almost the same feeling as eating too much food and just feeling BLECH. The feeling subsided after I ate a bit.

Prego stuff

I am feeling a little more tired than normal, but I expect that to change to "OMG I AM TOO EXHAUSTED TO GET OUT OF BED" soon. I am peeing much more often, which is annoying and I know will only get worse. I don't have any nausea and I am knocking on every piece of wood around so that I never will. My sense of smell is stronger, but I don't have any aversions yet. Well, except to cigarette smoke, but I don't think that's because I am pregnant. The only craving I have so far is for salad. I could eat salad all day long. My boobs are sore and they're already getting bigger. They're also scary looking because all the blue veins are extremely prominent right now. I enter my sixth week on Tuesday and I am half-expecting all the horrible stuff to start next week.

Oooookay?

My family doctor is a total weirdo. This is how my visit went:

Dr.: So, what can we do for you?
Me: It appears that I am pregnant!
Dr.: *chuckles* Well that’s good news! Congratulations! That’s very exciting. Did you take a test?
Me: Yes, I took two and they were both positive.
Dr.: Okay, well those store-bought tests are just as accurate as the tests we would give. You’ve probably already gone online to calculate your due date, right?
Me: Yes.
Dr.: When is it?
Me: October 7
Dr.: *writes October 7th in my file* Are you still smoking?
Me: Nope! I quit on December 1.
Dr.: Okay, well I’ll write you a referral to an OB/GYN. Do you have any preferences?
Me: Well, I am not from the area so I don’t really know of anyone.
Dr.: I’ll send you to Dr. So and So. She’s really nice. Okay, we’re all set!
Me: o.O
Dr: Oh, I do need to take your blood pressure.
Me: You may get a high reading because I was anticipating blood work! *chuckle*
Dr.: Oh no, every office is different. Are you having other symptoms? Sore breasts? Tiredness? More frequent urination?
Me: Yes.
Dr.: Certainly sounds like you’re pregnant! So don’t change anything. Live your life like normal.
Me: Okay . . . Thanks.
Dr.: Just give this referral to the girls out front. You’re all set!

So I went to the front and gave the receptionist my referral sheet, and she said, “Oh, you’re pregnant? Okay, you’re going to need blood work. The lab is still open if you want to do it now!” Sweet Jesus, WTF? So I signed in at the blood lab and since no one mentioned a pee test, I went to the bathroom. I had to pee SO BAD but I saved it because I figured I would need a pee test, and when no one mentioned it to me I said “Screw it!” and peed. So the phlebotomist was frigging awesome and she found my vein on the first try, so I had no dizziness. Then she told me she needed a urine sample and I was like, “Are you serious?? Ugh, I just went!” So I gave her a couple of drops and that was it. Lol.

So yeah, that doctor appointment was NOT what I was expecting at all. I was expecting a blood and urine test, because duh, and I was expecting my doctor to tell ME when my estimated due date was, not the other way around. I left the office totally baffled. So now I just have to wait for them to call me to tell me when my OB appointment will be.

I’m going to the doctor tomorrow for my blood test to determine if I am officially pregnant. I took another test last night because I’m paranoid. Heh. I got two lines immediately. I am not looking forward to having my blood drawn and I hope they will be as nice to me as the staff was at the lab I went to in July. I’m going to be such a big baby when it comes to getting poked and prodded. You can shove whatever you want up my hoo hoo, but if you dig around in my seemingly veinless arms I will drop to the floor.

As you can probably tell, I am not waiting three months until I tell everyone. I understand why some people do that, but I don’t feel like it’s necessary. Just because I make it out of my first trimester safely does not mean that there is not a risk of a miscarriage later on. If (Dog forbid) my early pregnancy winds up not being viable, I’ll just inform everyone and move on. Sounds harsh, but at the moment I am taking a more practical and less emotional approach to all of this.

News

Holy Mary, mother of God, what have we done? LOL. I still have to go to the doctor, but ya can't get much more positive than that when you pee on a stick. I've known for days because of the way my body was acting, but cruise ships don't stock pregnancy tests so I had to wait until I got home. My first reaction wasn't glee, oddly enough. Obviously we wanted this, and we've been trying for months, but when you see it in black and white (or pink and white, as it were) there's no telling how you'll react. Me? I am scared and shocked. I feel better today and I'm sure the excitement will come soon enough, but right now I keep thinking about how I potentially have a human being growing inside me, Aliens style. And there's only one way to expel it from my body. *shudder*